Orchestrating church potlucks, coaching Kimmey’s soccer team, ringing handbells, racking nursing home visitations and more into a 40-plus hour work week—for the church leader or volunteer, it’s so easy to keep piling things onto the plate. If you’re not careful, you can end up saying “yes” to everything and feeling overwhelmed at the reality of it all. The solution: learn like Jesus to say, “No.”

He refused to perform miracles for show (Matthew 16:1–4). Jesus retreated from large crowds when His disciples needed rest (Mark 6:30,31). He supported Mary’s no when Martha pleaded for her sister’s help (Luke 10:38–42).

Here are some ways to help you say no:

Know your purpose, mission, and time commitments. Decline if the time investment does not match your calling or does not glorify God.

Refuse choices that will glorify you. These people need a stronger answer. Be willing to say, “No, I’m not willing to be exploited or to exploit God.”

Lovingly respond. Acknowledge the person’s concerns. Jesus said Martha’s name twice to calm her and then let her know He understood her worry. Say, “I understand you are worried or feeling overwhelmed.” Explain your time is committed elsewhere right now. Suggest that the person simplify activities to lessen the load or suggest someone who might be a better match.

Support family members (this includes members of our church family) who are drained and need rest. Give them freedom to say, “I’m sorry, but my spouse (or parent) already made plans for my time.”

Understand that sometimes you must walk away from worthy causes. Be honest enough to state that you are overcommitted or need time with God or family. Agree to pray for the Lord to send workers. Let the person know that you would fail them if you could not perform the task well.

Pray for God’s wisdom and seek His direction.

KAREN WHITING, is a pastor’s wife, author and speaker. Adapted with permission of author from Enrichment Journal, Winter 2010.